"Leave me alone! I'm fine. I've got this."
Ever uttered such words? I suspect we all have. They are the words of the independent, self-reliant (even self-centered) person that the world would have us believe show that one has arrived as a full-firing adult. But when you stop to think about it, there is lot of sub-text to statements like these. Like, I have it all under control. In other words, I need nothin' from nobody.
And then, as leaders in schools or in other walks of life, we get up to our armpits in issues and challenges so fast that, if we are being truly honest about things, this whole notion about being in control of everything (or even of anything!) becomes extremely laughable, extremely quickly.
There is tremendous grace in such experiences, though. For were it not for moments like these, one could wallow in some misguided sense of self-sufficiency (my plan, my will, my world) for a lifetime....
In fact, it is exactly moments like these -- those times when we feel overwhelmed in our responsibilities and perhaps doubting why we ever thought we could do some good on this planet -- when the words of James 4:7 ring especially true: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
In this short passage above, James gives us words to live by: submit yourselves to God, surrender to His will, His plan for you. Get your head and heart around that and you will truly have what you need. Then you can truly say, "I'm fine."
So how do we get connected to His will, His plan?
Through prayer.
We see Christ doing this time and again in the Gospels, seeking the Father's counsel and His will, especially when times are tough. Through such actions, we observe Christ modeling for us what Paul describes in the passage at the top of this reflection: rejecting the world's patterns; seeking ongoing renewal of His mind and heart; testing and approving, through prayer, what God's will is -- His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
In his classic, With Open Hands, Henri Nouwen tangibly describes this transition that we must make through prayer from the fallacy of self-control to a posture of surrender to Our Maker as the movement from clenched fists to open hands. We are often resistant to this transition (shown through our "clenched fists) because letting go of control does not "conform with the pattern of this world." Rather, it demands a relationship through prayer "in which you allow Someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched." So we cling to what is familiar, even if we aren't proud of it. For it is easier to cling to a sorry past and/or an overwhelming present than to trust in a new future. In other words, because we fear that we might somehow lose ourselves (including our insecurities, our problems, and our hang-ups that make up some of our identity) along the way, we stand there with balled-up fists, closed to the Other who wants to heal us, to help us.
But if we can begin to open up our hands without fear, then the One who loves us can blow our sins away to make room for hope and peace in our lives, and to provide all-powerful support and guidance for the challenges in this world that loom before us. And when we do this, when we surrender to being His instrument, being a manifestation of His will on earth, we ultimately gain insights over time of His amazing benevolence and providence, more than we could ever deliver -- or even imagine -- for ourselves. For over time, we begin to understand that Our Lord responds to our prayers in one of three ways (and none of His answers are no, by the way).
Our Lord's responses to our prayers:
1) Yes
2) Maybe
3) I have a better plan!
________________________
Dear Lord,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists! Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to? Who will I be when I stand before You with empty hands? Please help me to gradually open my hands and to discover that I am not what I own, but what You want to give me. And what You want to give me is love -- unconditional, everlasting love. Help me to trust that so that You can lead me where You need me and that I may revel in a deep and abiding relationship with You, the Maker of all that is and of all that is to be.
In Your Almighty Name, I pray and place my trust.
Amen.
